Eyes of Lust
by SaucysaVAGE
Summary: All my life I just asked for someone to love me


It all happened a while back, far enough for me to remember anyway. My name is Noelle and I'm fourteen years old and I have been madly in love with a boy named Alson since I was about four years old. It all happened one Saturday. I'm a seventh day Adventist so I go to church on Saturday's. We use to rent this church for a couple of years because our church building was actually under construction. I remember it was after church and I somehow got him to follow me downstairs. I don't exactly remember what age I was but I believe that I was probably 6-7. Our church has this little room downstairs where we usually keep the paper plates, drums, hymnals and any other things that we need so I got him to follow me in that room since the other one was occupied by my brother who was reading a Hermie and Wormie's Book. I remember standing on a desk and telling him to kiss my hand, which he did without question, then my cheek, which he also did without disputing, and lastly my lips, which he did eagerly as did I. We were passionately making out so I thought, but in actuality we were having a war with our tongues, I was choking him, and he was doing well... I honestly don't remember because at that moment I thought it was the most beautiful thing ever. After a couple minutes went by he proceeded to ask me if he could touch my butt. I was ok with it and said yes. Seconds later we heard footsteps coming down the stairs so we separated and the moment ended just like that. Alson turned out to be my first kiss, the first boy to touch my butt, and my first and last crush.

 **Fast forward a couple of years... (about 2-3)**

At this point of time I was in the 3rd grade. I was still madly in love with Alson, but there was more to it. Over the years a new girl named Alexina came to our church. She was really pretty, light skinned, nice body, funny personality, same age as Alson and everyone liked her because she was born in Guyana, which happened to be the country that Alson's folk were from. Alson and Jeff had a crush on Alexina, I mean who didn't. It hurt at the time because she actually had a chance with him. A couple months later my cousin JJ comes up from Jamaica. Although I'm happy about her coming I was very sad when I saw that she and Alson were getting close. What hurt the most is that she knew I liked him and was just leading him on. I remember one day Alson, Jeff, JJ, and I were downstairs playing a game where basically Alson was just trying to spank JJ. I also remember one day when I was at my grandma's house JJ told me that she kissed Alson. It ripped my heart to shreads, she later said she was just joking but I honestly don't know what to believe. Another time she was doing the Red Nose on him.

As the years kept going by more girls were entering the church. I prayed to God often and would ask him to just take them away so that Alson would only love me. I waited patiently... and he did answer. One by one they all left the church. I knew what I prayed for was wrong, but at the time I was so happy I couldn't see the wrong in what I did. As I predicted Alson and I started getting closer. He started to touch me like he did to my cousin. We started to text and it was just the best thing ever. When I was about 12 I remember he FaceTimed me and I showed him everything. It made him happy and I wanted him to be mine so I decided to keep making him happy. We kissed like two other times and it was the same thing. Tongue wars. After a year or two he would feel the urge to feel me up or just to say things that I thought was a sign of love, but what I really wanted he never gave me. I saw him almost every week and he never had the common courtesy to say good morning, he would always say rude things about me just to make people laugh, he wouldn't ever do things just to be friendly. It took me some time, but after about 3 years I found out that I was being used.

I thought I was his number one priority, I use to brag to my friends about the stuff he'd do to me. If we had a good day at church and he got what he wanted from me, he would text me about it for a while and as soon as he got what he wanted, the moment would just end right there. I told him everything, but he never told me a damn thing. I found out through friends that he liked this other girl, and I stalked him on Instagram and saw that he liked super skinny and fit white girls. I also found out that he had a girlfriend. I told him everything, from my ex's to my personal business and what did he tell me? Absolutely nothing. It took me some time but I finally figured it out that those weren't eyes of love, they were eyes of lust.


End file.
